sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
