No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
