i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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