Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
