She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize