Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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