yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
