I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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