She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
