So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
