Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
