He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
