I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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