i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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