And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
