i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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