The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
