I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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