Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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