the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
