Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Couch. On fire.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
