my vag is so smooth its legendary
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
