Ambien. No doubt about it.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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