what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
