I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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