when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
