Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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