when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
