I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
