White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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