i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Shame - the story of my life.
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