there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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