he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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