I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
