idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
