i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
