Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
