That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
