I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
