look no pants
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
