Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
