he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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