Moan for me like Helen Keller
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
