she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
