yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
