remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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