You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
