People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
