Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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