He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
