She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
