Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
