I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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