I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
