All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
