why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
All the doctor said was why
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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