He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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