I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
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We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
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Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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