I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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