If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That accounts for only three of the penises
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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