He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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