Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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