hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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