garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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