Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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