i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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