i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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