In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
