??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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