You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
