Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
