whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
