Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
