new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
