I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
