if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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