Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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