Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
