What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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