I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
