I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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