I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
