Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
